Let’s be serious for this topic today.
Since childhood I’ve often heard people talking about their family problems. I’ve even witnessed a few but that’s ok. Not everything is perfect and so flaws are allowed to have their own space in our lives. And if they can live in our lives then they are a part of our family as well.
And actually, if there’s a matter that can be resolved without violence then it’s not a family problem at all. Your parents may fight, but that’s fine unless it’s not going off limits. Every family has issues but they resolve in a matter of time and so people especially teenagers shouldn’t over think on this matter.
At the end of the day, people who love each other will eat their dinner together. No matter, how long or how bad that day went.
But here's the thing. Not every argument not every fight and not every mistake comes in a “regular” family problem that can be resolved.
For instance, violence.
No child would want his or her parents to stab each other in front of them or even behind them.
I am not being specific here but today I overheard my mom and my maid talking about how the latter's husband beats her. And that’s how I came to know about the bruise on her face. That maid has a 2 year old daughter. And it makes me sad to even think about how helpless she is. Our maid simply thinks that her man will change.
What can be the reason behind that man showing off his cheap heroic skills on his own wife?
Well, that man gets off his frustration by getting drunk and using his wife as a 'punching bag'. Our maid doesn’t want to leave him either. And I know it’s not an easy thing to leave your man especially in lower classes.
But no wait. It’s not just about lower classes. Rich men also do the same thing as that maid’s husband did and their wives 'also' don't take necessary steps.
What’s the difference except the suit guy has 100 times more money than the poor? In this case, money doesn’t even make a difference at all.
Domestic violence against women is a serious problem. And you all know it.
In addition, what do you think is the bigger problem here? Denial.
People deny it in order to save themselves from the shitty eyes of the society. Women who want to put an end to their problems are often pulled back by their own families. And also they feel that they are bound in religious and moral reasons for staying in the relationship. Many women love their batterer and they live in the hope that one day they will change (that’s also what our maid thinks)
This kind of violence has been a major pandemic, and not everyone is willing to make a vaccine for it.
I am not talking about those who are against domestic violence but about those who are not on any side. And I’d like to tell them that if they are not on any side, good or bad, then they have automatically chosen the side of the one who supports it.
And to all those narrow minded people who think domestic violence is the "aurat or mard ki beech ki baat” then there’s nothing to tell them except asking them to get the f**k out from this world. We don’t need people like them.
There are also many people who think its “ok” because they don’t know how that maid or that actress or that entrepreneur feels. They don’t feel the wound on their necks or the bruise on their faces. And thus, they simply and shamelessly force themselves in having no opinions about it.
And that’s what it’s all about. Having no opinion. If people don’t raise their voices against injustice then the world will surely be a dystopian place to live in. And those particular people are definitely going to blame the government for it.
Moving on, I recently got to know about the consequence of domestic violence on a woman’s mental health.
And that’s called BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME.
Violence takes a deep psychological toll on its victims leading to number of problematic behaviours and symptoms.
This syndrome sometimes and a lot of times play a major role in how people respond to the violence against them and in rare cases when they kill their “batterers” (the one who commits domestic violence)
BWS can be triggered by sexual abuse, psychological aggression, physical violence and stalking as a batterer tries to exert power and control over his partner.
Women living with this syndrome may feel isolated, anxious, depressed, helpless, and yes, embarrassed.
When everything takes a dark turn they start having nightmares, sleeping problems, feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness, panic attacks and what not.
These problems not only destroy a person from inside but also from every aspect. You don’t want these things or these symptoms to happen to you. Then why let the other face it?
As I already mentioned that this syndrome in rare cases can be the reason for the victim to kill her batterer.
And here’s an example.
On August 31, 1986, a woman named Angelique Lyn Lavallee who was 22 years old, shot her husband at the back of his head as he was leaving her room after a violent argument between the two.
Court heard that during their relationship Lavallee was frequently abused by her partner.
A psychiatrist testified in her trial that she had been terrorized by her husband and that she felt trapped and unable to escape the relationship. He said that the shooting was a final desperate act by a woman who sincerely believed that she would be killed that night.
The top court then agreed that the evidence of the psychiatrist was pertinent, recognising that BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME IS A LEGITIMATE DEFENCE.
To summarise my words, I would like to say that BWS is a serious mental health issue that comes as a result of serious domestic abuse.
If you are someone who can really help a woman to get through this then don’t hesitate.
And to those who are suffering it, you should know that just because you can’t find someone who treats you right doesn’t mean that you should be with someone who doesn’t.
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